


placeholder (until we figure it out)

by chingonas



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: :(, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I love my boys, M/M, Panic Attacks, Thor just wants to help, bruce just han solo’d thor, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 14:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16934982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chingonas/pseuds/chingonas
Summary: “i love you”“i know”





	placeholder (until we figure it out)

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry im advanced

Bruce… talks to himself. 

 

Not out loud, in his head. Mostly. Well, when it is out loud, Thor usually responds with some bullshit answer.

 

Bruce’ll be solving some equation going “and if y is 7 then that takes us all the way back to the first part-” and Thor will knit his brows and tilt his head all confused as he asks between his popcorn, “why is y 7? Isn’t it just y?” Bruce will have to explain that “no, y is a variable, which is, like, a placeholder until you figure out-”. and Thor will smile and go, “oh, yeah, no I know. Keep going.” Bruce will blush and continue his equation pretending Thor isn’t watching him run around doing math in a T Shirt and pair of boxers. It’s cute.

 

Until it isn’t. 

 

The conversations in his head are… darker. They usually more one sided and often include memories. The bad ones. 

 

It’ll be at a random time. Like right before they cuddle up to watch some Midgardian movie Thor had always wanted to see but was too busy saving the universe and whatnot to get around to seeing it. Thor will go get popcorn (his new Midgardian obsession, apparently) and Bruce will feel a pain in his hand. He’ll lift it up to look at it, he’ll see tiny scars on his worn out knuckles. He’ll hear voices. They’ll tell him cruel things, awful things. He’ll get scared, like a child, and he’ll freeze. Staring his hand, hearing the voices in his head. He’ll talk to them, muttering useless apologies and softly begging mercy and forgiveness to someone who isn’t there. 

 

He’s start to tremble enough for even his voice to shake. Trapped in his own dark world, a vast and cold place of emptiness. Of solitude. Of memories. “Please, I didn’t mean to-“ 

 

“Bruce?” Thor will ask softly, the bowl in his hands smelling of fresh butter. He will look at his boyfriend with concern, but never fear. If there is one thing Thor will never do, its fear the love of his life. 

 

Bruce will jolt and turn to see the god, his hand will still be shaking, the voice will still scream in his head, and tears will start to form against his will. 

 

“Are you...” Thor will hesitate to move forward. Not sure if he’ll make it worse or better. His sentences will turn into soft fragments and questions. “Okay?” 

 

Bruce will nod, but he isn’t. He’s not okay, and Thor knows, but he knows not to ask even more. He’ll take his seat next to Bruce, cover him in the blanket and give him extra pillows. Bruce will shakily put down his hand and try to bury himself in Thor’s arms. Thor will try to forget the incident, but he’ll remember it and worry about it later at night. Bruce hates making Thor worry. 

 

He will still be shaking, but Thor will pretend he doesn’t feel it, for Bruce’s sake. Instead Thor will rub Bruce’s arm softly, reminding Bruce he is here.  He is here and will always be. 

 

Bruce will move closer, holding himself tightly as he burrows into Thor’s side. Thor will move his hand to run it through Bruce’s hair softly. Bruce will blink back tears as he tries to suffocate the voices in his head. Maybe one day they’ll stop. 

 

Thor will whisper softly in the middle of the movie, pretending to watch it even though they both know it’s just there to break the silence. 

 

“You can tell me anything you’d like.”  _ I want to know what’s hurting you because I want to save you from it.  _

 

Bruce will whisper back and barely hear himself through the voice screaming in his head, he will try to distract himself with Thor as he says it, trying to take in Thor’s touch and smell like a drug.

 

“I know.”  _ There is too much pain for me to share and for you to still love me because of it.  _

 

“I love you.”  _ You are not a burden.  _

 

“I know.”  _ I wish that were true.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while back but never got around to posting it... i wanna start writing more often and bounce back from my little writing haitus! i’d appreciate if u sent me any prompts or ideas u want me to write. ty all for the endless support, reading your comments and seeing your kudos makes me day and its why i rlly want to write more now. love u all much. 
> 
> yell at me on tumblr: wallyisntdead


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